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ok so how many chances would a forgiving girl give if a forgiving girl could give chances?

im just gonna say it - boys are fucked up. generalisation? i think not. so this year, as much as it fucking sucks, has not stopped me - until now. i have 'refreshed' myself, tricked myself into giving people the benefit of the doubt, restored my faith in people.. it has come back to bite me in the ass multiple times now.

WHY?! WHY is it that we dont do the logical thing?! why cant we see whats infront of us?! why do we want what we cant have?! why does desire reign my life, always chasing, never satisfied, no pure thought. where is my peace of mind? if i know its from within, why havent i got it yet? the information is basically slapping me in the face and i still SOMEHOW turn a blind eye. im fed up with people. im fed up with myself. im fed up with having no real fucking answers. who the fuck had the nerve to put us through such a beautiful struggle called life, with no ACTUAL answers?!?! no wonder people go crazy. i think everyone's crazy in their own twisted subtle or extravagant way. things have a ripple effect. a small gesture can cause a fucking hurricane. you can never know the full extent of effect you have on someone. never.

just when you think someone couldn't get more genuine, they blow you off in the most embarrassing/confusing manner. i'd just like to ask, there is a common ground right? basic ethics and understandings that humans harbour in their brains as logical sequence of events. everyone has a conscience, correct?

this is my story; met boy. boy was more so, or equally keen for date. boy was "looking forward" to date. day of date rolls around, no contact. is boy dead?

fuck people who are actually just retarded. seriously. i pity their life experience if they havent learnt, or relearnt the importance of manners, respect, integrity and honesty yet. what a douche.

i usually would let this matter float into my 'absolutely-fine-with-never-knowing-the-answer' file, but its just abnormality upon abnormality upon fucking obscene. these things you hear of, like boys being actual numbskulls - they aren't extreme stories, they happen in everyday life, to people who are least expected to be treated as such. i guess high hopes always end in disappointment.

my life goal is to have kids, and install AMAZING basics into them. i suppose parenting comes with its glory and flaws too, but i think its much easier to see progress from another point of view, therefore my kids will know right and wrong. and i can die happily knowing that i contributed a tiny bit to the world. im a reality ambassador, i strive to keep it real. no games, no bullshit, no wacked out sense of normalcy. i just hope i get to use my strengths on something worthwhile one day. i love myself and know how much i have to give. i guess you dont get anywhere in life unless you take chances.

peace
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