Back in that same boat...

oh hi!

well shit.has.gone.down in the last few weeks... all i can say is karma is a bitch and the truth ALWAYSSSS surfaces. and so it should. 'lies will lock you up with truth the only key.'

it sucks when you have to learn the same lesson over and over again. but i think you do get it after a while. its one thing when you yourself make a mistake, you can see how it happened and how you justified it in your head and how it maybe wasnt such a big deal to you, but when someone else makes the mistake, you find it so hard to recognise logistics and hand over a second chance. i often think that maybe things arent complicated. everything is as it seems. but lately i have been realising that the small facts and minor details do count! maybe my mind just doesnt want them to cos its lazy and doesnt wanna add up all the factors. but yes, there are many contributing factors to every circumstance, so from now on i will try to remember that and not take things personally. as much as you think you might know every single option or route of someones thinking pattern, you cant. people will always surprise you, like you surprise yourself.

i need to learn not to underestimate people, not to judge and not to mistreat. it sucks when you have to admit to your flaws infront of people you want respect from, but maybe thats how you get the respect? who knows. lifes a mystery innit.

its also an issue for me that i always tend to learn things the hard way. theres a reason why parents say wear sunscreen, dont put your info on the internet, go to bed early, eat healthy, brush your teeth etc etc, the world is FULL of everyones advice, because they've been there and learnt the hard way themselves. gosh if i had taken the advice ive been given, i would be cruising through life. but curiosity killed the cat.. how am i supposed to learn a lesson, if i dont know what im using it for?? how am i supposed to not break someones heart, when i dont know what breaking someones heart actually entails? and until i do break someones heart and go through the whole process, it is only then that i can reflect and know for sure that i should be more careful next time. then when i am going slow and being fair to the next person, i can rejoice in the fact that i know i saved them from pain by learning from my experiences. this is my justification of learning the hard way - knowing what you're missing out on, and being thankful for it!

anyway thats enough blabber for tonight.. just wanna remind myself, those who matter dont mind, and those who mind dont matter. do what makes you happy and what your heart tells you is right.

sometimes you have to lose your mind before you find it. sometimes you have to hurt the ones you love in order to appreciate the times when you dont. its a process. appreciation of the filtration. everything always works out.

peace x